Shouldn’t Technology be Better by Now?


I can’t think of a single person that I know, who isn’t participating in technology. We use it constantly, every day, for things we could never do before. We have people flying around in the sky in fucking six-ton metal boxes with a few hundred other folks, and it’s all happening because of technology.

Commuting, surgeries, communication, research, warfare, engineering, genetic mapping… All this shit is happening because of some technological break through, and without today’s technology, we’d be nowhere.

Why then is shit still breaking down?! Why can’t someone fucking make something that just fucking works!? I can’t even buy a fucking flashlight with the fucking button working SOMETIMES. Even really expensive flashlights fucking fail!

Why are computers still crashing?! You mean to tell me since the first fucking computer screwed up a punch card that all computers for the rest of existence were doomed to have occasional failures? Seems pretty ridiculous to me, it’s been almost 70 years that we as a people have been making computers, and they still fucking fail and “act funny” sometimes.

Why are batteries still dying? Why can’t I buy a fucking cell phone that lasts more than a day and a half on a single charge? Every damn phone that comes out is a million times more awesome than it’s predecessor, in reverie (TYPO! And I’m not fixing it, because it’s mentioned in the comments.) fucking way EXCEPT for the battery life! We get an extra hour out of a battery and we think it’s a gift from god!

We’ve been conditioned to expect things to be mediocre, and we’re handed this crap and when it fails people just shrug and go “eh, time for a new one anyway”.

But the problem is us, not the technology. We’re content to live with substandard stuff, as long as it does cool things for the unfortunately short amount of time it works fine. I tell you what though, it scares the shit out of me when I go to the doctor and I see a little six-year-old Dell Optiplex small form factor computer with crud-caked fan grates, zip tied to a pole and wheeled around the hospital on a battery unit. Someday that thing is going to have an inconvenient problem, and someone’s going to die because we’re too busy pushing technology to do the next big thing rather than focusing on getting it problem free.

Gmail’s Right Click Preview is Gone


Google’s Gmail has a feature called “Labs” which you can access by going into the email settings. Within labs, you can enable funky functionality to enhance your user experience. Sometimes these “labs” get approved as a fantastic piece of functionality, and written into scripture as a main feature within Gmail. Other times they get scrubbed out.

One such lab that was fantastic, and everyone who used it loved was the “right-click preview” which allowed you to right-click a message, get some options like mark as read, archive, delete, reply, etc… And you could read the first bit of the email.

Used to look like this:

Image

Can’t fucking have that anymore, it was too god damned useful! They scrubbed the lab,and replaced with a simple piece of useless shit right-click menu that allows you to mark as read, archive, and delete.

 Image

As if that didn’t suck enough, they added a bunch of tabs in, and divided our inboxes into different categories… Depending on what kind of mail (that Gmail THINKS it is) it goes into a different tab. Things from blogs and Facebook go into “social” where forum notifications go into “Forum” etc… And with this dumbass change, they added “Move to tab” to the right-click menu.

Oh, and by the way, if you don’t like the tab names, tough shit, you can’t change them. You can’t add your own either, so if you have a favorite person you want a tab for, tough shit. They go where Google says, you don’t like it, hit the fucking road.

Clearly, they must have expected some folks to fucking hate the tabs, so you can turn them off and just go back to a simple inbox like every other useful fucking email reading platform.

But wait! Remove those other tabs, and you’re back to NO FUCKING RIGHT CLICK ACTION WHATSOEVER! NOTHING. No labs, no built-in right-click for the simple “archive” function… You get nothing, cause fuck you.

Don’t wanna use the new toys? You don’t get to use the old ones either.

What the fuck Google? That Lab was not only fantastic, but useful for YEARS! You can’t make a god damn right-click menu that just fucking works with the same functionality? As if it’s not bad enough that you couldn’t give the preview users a fucking heads up, you’re basically saying this:

We’re taking away this option thing that people love, and cutting its legs of. You can use the version we’re creating with a quarter of the functionality. Oh, and BTW, you have to use our newest TABS feature if you want even this watered down version. Otherwise, you should go back to Windows Mail.

Thanks a bunch, jerks!

I’ve used Gmail’s web portal for YEARS, and I’ve always enjoyed when they made “improvements” before, so I have to make myself believe that they’re going to fix this shit soon, otherwise it might be time to re-evaluate my options.

Pictures snagged from here: http://googlesystem.blogspot.com/2013/05/no-more-gmail-sneak-peek.html 

I Fucking Hate Acronis Just as Much as Backup Exec!


In my epic (and seemingly futile) quest to find a backup software that just plain works, (which started a while back with this post about Backup Exec) I happened to find a client who’d purchased Acronis backup SBS somethingorother for exchange and server blahblahblah… 

I configured a backup to USB for data, and another backup to another USB drive for exchange. And it worked for a little while… these two backups were two different modules, mind you… an installation for exchange, and one for server. 

Of course, like anything I start feeling good about, it stopped working, and there was no indication why. I contacted support, and they made me uninstall and install the latest version. This didn’t work. So they had me install a half dozen “hot-fixes” for windows and for it, and whatever… Nothing. 

Now… This is the (very very) abridged version… But the client ran outta dough, and it just kinda sat in limbo for a couple of months… REALLY hate leaving things like that, but consulting is consulting, after all. I got him something that worked for the time being, but wasn’t very robust. (just a robocopy… which Ironically is short for “robust-copy”). 

Eventually, we started the support thing again, and again, I had to remove and reinstall the fucking latest version. This of course required a few server reboots, and as any IT consultant for small businesses knows, you can’t just bounce a server in the middle of the day… so it took a few days to get to where “It should be working”. …also known as where “it should be working but fucking doesn’t!”

SO, infuriatingly, tech support has to defer to developers to weigh in. Should “be a couple days”. We never heard back. The company gets a few jobs, cash begins to flow, and I start chasing this bullshit again. Guess what I get to do? Remove, reboot, reinstall, reboot, reconfigure AGAIN!

And it STILL DOESN’T FUCKING WORK!!

Dude, WHAT THE FUCK!? It’s just a backup, why is this impossible?! 

…I have a theory, that the big name backups are pushing folks away from local onsite backups, in favor of online, monthly subscription backups, based on Data Size. 

I’d rather they just stopped selling bullshit that doesn’t fucking work, and offering shit support. Just fucking sack up and say “Yeah, we don’t wanna do that, go with this product instead” instead of wasting my time and patience, and my clients’ money! 

What do you do for backup? Does it work?? 

My First Hour with Windows 8.1 Preview


Let me first say, I’m not really unhappy with Windows 8. Really doesn’t bother me to hit the windows key to get to the “Metro” or whatever the place with the tiles (or charms) are…

I use Windows 8 for several different devices. I have a laptop and a desktop, both of which are Dell and running Windows 8 pro. I also have a Surface RT running 8 RT… On my desktop and laptop, I seldom use the metro. I go in to start-up programs and such, but once they’re up I typically pin the icon to the task bar, and don’t have to go back in there for it anymore.

Still, being curious, I was intrigued. I went and downloaded it, expecting an “update”, like what a Windows Update would be. This was a little different from what I’d expect.

First, you download a patch and reboot. Then you’re able to log in and go to the store, and download the 8.1 preview. It then installs, and it reboots several more times. The process (on my laptop) took around 1 hour. This might as well have been a whole OS upgrade… Which I suppose, it sort of is.

Now that it’s installed, I have a windows button, just like old times. …huzzah?start button

Now, I know this was a big deal for folks, but like I said earlier, I really didn’t miss it. Hit the windows button on the keyboard, no big deal… And I don’t think this is really what people wanted, to be honest… they wanted a button that brought up a little menu with a list of their stuff. This one just opens the metro.

Again, I don’t care, so whatever.

Another thing, I can make HUGE “charms”.

large tiles

Huzzah again… (read as: big fricken deal).

Another thing that makes me frown, is this:

eval

E-freakin-valuation?? I realize of course that this is there because this is not the “full release” of 8.1, but if I have a problem activating my OS again after this evaluation build expires, I’m going to be furious.

All that said, I can’t really comment on much else, as my tablet is still updating, which is the device I use the Metro most on. I’m expecting to have some good experiences with that, as you can dock more than one thing on the screen…

Other than that this whole process has been a big old: Meh.

But again, it’s only been an hour, and I’m hoping that things like start-up is faster than it had been, it’d ground down to a glacial pace during start-ups.

Have you gotten it? What are your thoughts?

Stop Endorsing My Skills on LinkedIn!


Hey, remember me? If so, my condolences. If not, sorry you get to meet me now. :P

I’ve just realized that over the last, I dunno… year? I’ve been complaining about something, and nothing’s changed. Perhaps I’m complaining to the wrong folks. …Actually, I’ve just been complaining to maybe two or three folks.

Anyway, a solid year of bitching sounds to me like a great indication that I have a blog post.

Years ago I joined LinkedIn and thought it was a pretty cool place to showcase my skills. That’s what it’s for, right? An online portfolio / resume, I thought. These days there are groups, and discussions, and articles, etc… Not such a bad thing to have on a site dedicated to professionals, and what not.

Not sure when, but relatively recently they added “Endorsements”. On the surface it’s a tool for you to see how many people will vouch for the skills claimed by the person whose profile you’re looking at. If Captain Von Dingwall says he can hoist a mizen-mast (or whatever) it’s a skill, and Chippy Fitzslapfart can “endorse” it, basically saying “Yep, Capt’n hoists my mizen-mast a few times a day. He’s a pro”.

Over time, perhaps a dozen or so deck swabbers will jog in and endorse the good Captain’s ship-related skills. What better way to judge a person’s skills than by the word of his peers, right?

That’s on the surface.

Beneath the surface, it’s a fucking gimmick. You see, you log into your profile to add a line about your co-ed naked yoga ball class, and at the top there’s a pile of pictures. These pictures are of some folks in your connections list, and it says “Does Chad Nippleflash know about basket weaving? Endorse here!” and “Does Billy Bag-o-donuts know about pothole digging? Endorse here!” and so on… OR! You can make the whole fucking window go away, by clicking “Endorse all!” …and you do cause it’s easy! And it goes away, and now you’re about your business again!

Now, let’s say I’m Chad Nippleflash. Now, I get an email saying “Phil McCrackin has endorsed you!” and I think, “Gee, I haven’t seen Phil in four years, and when we worked together we were refurbishing battery operated battery rechargers, that only recharge their own batteries… He’s never even seen me weave a basket…” But you think the best, and say “Well, that was pretty nice of him, guess he’s just trying to help me out.”

But no, that bastard was just trying to get into his own business. He didn’t go and seek your page out to do me a good deed, he clicked the “Get this shit the fuck outta my face” button.

So now, if you look at my LinkedIn account, you’ll see that 8 people think I’m great with “Hardware”. …nuts and bolts? Washers? Faucets?

Here’s another thing… I never added these things. For example, I haven’t updated my profile now for at least four years, cause I really don’t need to. I have a good job, I’m not exactly networking (socially I mean… Not talking about plugging wires into switches, which 12 people think I’m awesome at) but yet, “Windows 7″ is a skill. And so is “VMWare”, which I’ve used once, was completely out of my element with, and hated… But yet, this bozo (who I helped to get fired some years ago, by the way…) thinks I’m a master of.

It’s fucking useless! Not only are people who I haven’t seen in over ten years and never worked with vouching for my skills, but somehow they’re adding skills they don’t even know if I have, because they can’t stand to have this “Endorse All” button floating in their faces!!

And what’s even MORE fucked up? I removed ALL MY SKILLS… And somehow, they’re back!

Stop endorsing me! I don’t care if you DO think I’m great at what I do (Because let’s face it, I am) I don’t need your help. You’re encouraging idiots to endorse me for things they’ve never seen me do, and their making promises that I have to keep! Thanks for the fucking help, now I have to convince assholes I know nothing about VMWare, and they’re going to think I just don’t want to help them.

In my opinion, LinkedIn has only proven that people are too fucking lazy to go out of their way to put some thought into the shit they’re doing to “Help” others. Oh, and they’ve increased traffic to their site, which I’m sure makes them more money. Guarantee this whole endorsement thing came about as the result of a discussion that started with “How do we increase user interaction and draw in more traffic.” not “How do we better help our users?”

Rate my #$@?!


This is just a quick rant.

I am really sick of being asked to rate apps and things or take customer satisfaction surveys. If I am at your website downloading drivers, chances are you do not really want me rating your products. If I am calling support, something is the working right, and I am not like you to be happy.

Rule of thumb: no news is good news. Believe me, if I was unsatisfied with your customer service, you’d hear it. Otherwise just leave me the hell alone!

I Hate Symantec Backup Exec.


I do. I hate it. It is the last fucking backup software I would ever recommend these days, and it’s still the fucking industry standard. 

Backup exec has been a pain in the fucking ass for years and years and years. Thank whatever god you believe in that backup tapes are on their fucking way out. Magnetic media… impacted by magnets. The earth is a giant god damned magnet…. Ok, I’m not getting into how stupid that is, that’s a post for a different day. 

Every fucking time I touch backup exec to upgrade to the next version it fucking blows up in my face. 

I started the upgrade for a client of mine from 2010 to 2012. You would think that a multi-billion dollar company like symantec would understand the importance of making one revision of software easily upgraded to the next. Clearly they do not. 

Backup Exec 2010 had an addon option called “Desktop Laptop Option” hence forth called DLO. That no longer exists in 2012, cause it is it’s own product now. With that installed for 2010, you cannot upgrade to 2012 unless you remove it. Seems simple enough. Open Backup Exec, go to options or something like that and uncheck it. Then of course, it asks for the 2010 installation disk.

Apparently when 2010 was installed, it was installed with a download from their website. Not a problem, we do this all the time. Someone at the client however, deleted the installation files. Fuck. 

To Google I go. The internet is littered with people in the same predicament. The solution is to go to the Backupexec.com downloads area and download the trial version of DLO2012. So I did. It’s not there. You have to fill out a request form to have a sales person contact you regarding it. Two days later, they email you and ask if you’re certain you want this. You have to convince them that yes, you want it, and then they email you the download link. 

Downloaded this 400MB software, and installed it on the server… almost. It wants a serial number. To me, this doesn’t exactly scream “trail version”. 

Instead of waiting another two days to hear back from symantec, I decided that their current backup job isn’t all that complicated, and recreating it wouldn’t be a big deal. So I removed the 2010 software all together. Reboot. 

Installed 2012, the report said it went fine. Reboot. However, the serivces do not start. Did a repair install. Reboot. Still no good.

Scoured the internet, for the error message: The Backup Exec Server Service did not start. An internal error (-1) occurred in object 51. The “Solution” is to remove the software again, reboot, then manually hack out ALL references to Symantec and Backup Exec from the registry. reboot. Then install again. reboot, and everything should be peachy. 

Are you kidding? Who is writing this code that an uninstall can’t fucking uninstall correctly? For the amount of money my client is spending on me to do this upgrade, on an installation that was running find I might add, they could have bought a whole redundant NAS device and backed up across the network with Robocopy, for Christ’s sake. I have submitted a ticket to Symantec, I’m sure I’ll hear back at some point in the next three to twelve years. 

Why can’t you make a software that just fucking installs or upgrades? How is someone who runs a small business supposed to handle things like this, if everyone thinks you buy a disk, put it in, and hit go. 

This is the worst god damned software on earth, bar none. I swear, if the installation doesn’t like the color of the paint on the walls, it fucking throws a bitch fit. 

I need to go listen to some really loud Tool for a while. Fuckers. 

Stop Sharing my Photos on Facebook!


ImageSeems like every other day I’m bitching about Facebook, huh? 

I like Facebook, if truth be told. It’s easy to keep in touch with folks, and see pictures of people you love (or don’t) that you otherwise wouldn’t. If you didn’t want to see those pictures, you can always unfriend them, whatever… You manage what you see. 

I have kids, and family all over the country. I like to be able to throw a picture of my kids up there for free, and have family not hound me to mail them pictures from time to time. 

It’d be nice if that’s all Facebook was ever used for, but no… People play games, and to play some games, you need other friends who play games, so people are “friends” with people they’ve never fucking met, just so that there’s someone around in the wee hours of the morning to harvest their crops and collect their rent, and plant some grapes and shave their sheep. 

Now, I’m not shitting on everyone who plays those games. Some of them are fun for a little while, and everything. Whatever. But for all you know you could have just friended some bat-winged forked-tongue jackass with a penchant for little kids. Now he’s looking at your pictures. And MINE because you fucking can’t just look at these pictures, you have to hit “Share”. I don’t need fucking whack-job sheep shaver knowing what my kid looks like.

This is why I don’t mail you pictures cause for all I fucking know, you’re standing outside the supermarket flashing the picture in the faces of everyone who walks by. But see, even that is not as bad as hitting the “share” button, because when you hit the share button, your wall says “You’ve shared Grumpy’s picture” and Sheep-shave gets to click on my profile. And because I’m fucking paranoid, he gets pretty much nowhere. 

But the average chump thinks nothing of posting his location on his page publically. Now the whack job who eats kids knows this kid is somewhere between the ages of 5 and 9 and knows what town she lives in. Next he’s staking out elementary schools, cause you fucking needed your your little bakery supplied with oats at 2am.

You wouldn’t sit down and play chess in the park with someone you don’t know and can’t see. Why would you do it online? You’re inviting these people into your lives and the lives of your loved ones. Cut the fucking shit.

Ten Things to Do to Get Ready for the Service Tech Visit


In this day and age, probably around 85% of the time, I can fix your problem without leaving my home, much less my chair. Most of the time, the internet is all I need to remote into your machine, and fix whatever has you upset in very little time at all.

Occasionally I do need to drag my ass into the car and head on over though. Some things like hardware install or relocation of things I don’t want you touching require a physical presence.

As much as I hate leaving the house, because outside is where people get hurt (or get poison ivy, as was the case for me this past weekend), I don’t usually mind going to clients. However, there are times when I really wish you guys were a little more considerate of my time and comfort.

I’m not talking comfort like, your chair is lumpy, or the office is too chilly, or the rug isn’t spongy enough. I’m talking about the things that make being there to HELP YOU awkward.

I understand though, that your work environment is yours and tailored to your preferences, so these things might not occur to you ordinarily. So here’s a handy list of things you can do to get ready for the service tech visit, so you don’t end up the object of a rant on a smart ass blog like this one.

1. Be there. 
I don’t understand how someone can schedule an on site call, and then just not be there when I get there. I know you’re thinking “Well duh, who’d do that?” It happens all too often. People think “Oh, I’m just going to run out or a minute” sometimes and get tied up or whatever. If that happens, don’t give me some excuse like “I didn’t have your number”. We have a dispatch person and a customer service number that works handily. You used it to get me here, use it again.

It’s my business to know how to communicate, and I know you know how to, because it’s a critical part of everyone’s lives these days. If you don’t try, you don’t care. If you don’t care, you will when you see the stupidity charge on your invoice.

2. Save your work.
You know your business better than me, so don’t leave it in my hands to take care of your business before I can take care of mine.

Yeah, I know when a spreadsheet is open, and hasn’t been saved, and how to save it. What I don’t know is if you want it saved, where you want it saved, is this an old template you were filling in but haven’t done a save as, and if I save will it over write something you need NOT saved over?

You know what, you leave this in my hands, I’ll save it. If you didn’t want it saved, you’re out of luck, and yes, I’ll be charging you for my time to restore the old version from whatever backup you might have.

3. Close Your Windows.
If you have a thousand things open on your desktop that I have to figure out what to do with, then clearly you didn’t read item 2. I’m just going to close things if I don’t know what to do with them, you’re likely to lose work.

If you can’t handle 2 and 3, then don’t disappear when I’m working on your system. I’ll do what I can to do this shit for you, but without your input, you get what you get.

4. Write down or screen shot your error messages.
I can’t fucking stand being told “Every time I do this, I get an error”, and when I ask what the error says, I get “Uh, I dunno. Something about… something. I think.”

Here’s a secret piece of technological lore: Errors say things. There are words, generally in the language you use on your computer all the time, that tell you things that *I* need to know. If you can’t read it, chances are you’ll know this, and be able to tell me, “it was in another language”. The fact that you didn’t say exactly that, means it was in English, but you either don’t know how to screen shot it (which is ok, just ask how!) AND were too lazy to write it down, but you fucking clicked OK anyway.

When it doubt, leave the god damned error on the screen, and call. It takes under a minute for me to get remoted in usually, and then let ME screen shot it. If I can’t get on remotely, and have to come out, leave it there. Don’t make my job harder, cause you’ll only make your bill greater.

5. Shoes.
Ladies, this one is primarily for you…

There are going to be times when there’s a hardware issue, and I need to get my hands on your system. This almost always involves me climbing around under your desk, since you don’t want “that ugly thing” on the desk where it’s safer and less likely to be kicked and clogged with dust.

Now. I will admit that I am probably the worst case scenario for this problem, but I know there are other people out there who are disgusted and repulsed by feet. I know you’re all thinking “Oh, but not me, I have cute feet!” No. You don’t. Nobody does. ALL feet are disgusting, I don’t care how clean, how scrubbed, how painted, how fish-nibbled they are, they are disgusting. I’m sorry to crush your spirit, but sock those fuckers up, and jam them into some kind of closed-toed grandma shoes, nobody wants to see them.

Get your five or six pairs of shoes / sandals / slippers / pumps / mules / flip-flops / whatever footwear you have stashed under your desk the fuck out of my sight, please and thank you. You know what, unless this is your home, this shit should not be there anyway. Even if I had a total hard-on for feet (just gagged a little) the office place isn’t the place for your wardrobe. Either wear them to work, or leave them at home.

I will repeat, I do not care how clean you think your shoes / feet are, just the thought makes me think I smell them. Put. You. Clothes. Away.

God help you if I actually barf under your desk, cause I’m not going to fix your problem, I am going to bill you for your time, and I am not going to clean up my barf.

6. Move.
I recognize the need for control when it comes to your computer. It is YOUR computer, but sometimes I need you to release the vulcan death grip you have on your mouse and keyboard and pry your ass out of your seat. I’m here, I’m not going to remote into your machine from the workstation next to you. Get the fuck out-of-the-way.

If I elbow you in the jowls, your face didn’t belong where you were sticking it. If I knock over your coffee, I’ll help you clean it up, but you’re paying for my time. If I run over your toes with the chair, it’s because you need to go the fuck away.

7. Trust Me.
I’ve been doing this for a long, long time now. Chances are, I have a decent idea of what’s going on even before I arrive on site. There are things I need to rule out in order to come up with a solution. Answer the questions I have for you, clearly, definitively, and as honestly as possible. You called me here, I do not need your prognosis.

I get that you’re trying to make my job easier, and give insights that you think you have, but more often than not, I end up spending all this time explaining to you why your idea doesn’t hold water, and you get pissy cause I keep telling you you’re wrong.

In my twelve or so years on the field of troubleshooting, not once has a user said “I think it’s because of this thing” and turned out to be right, unless it was something I already suspected.

Please. This is my job. I am very good at my job. If you think you know the answer, keep it to yourself. An extra set of hands will just get in my way. I will come up with the answer, and even if you told me what you think it is, I STILL need to rule everything else out anyway, to make sure you don’t have an underlying problem causing the one you’re aware of.

I don’t tell you how to treat your clients, please don’t tell me how to treat mine.

8. Own Up. 
Funny thing about computers: They do what you tell them. If your computer is infected with spyware, it’s because you went somewhere, opened something, clicked on something, allowed it to install somehow, and usually unbeknownst to you.

There’s no shame in it, it happens to everyone.

You can own up to it, or not. Either way, I’m going to find out what happened. Computers have histories, logs, diagnostics… If your keyboard stopped working because you spilled diet coke in it, I’m going to realize this when I start to type, and the buttons splash. Don’t laugh, this actually happened, and the user said “How’d that happen?” …yeah, I don’t know but I assume it has something to do with the diet coke can in your trash, gravity and the laws of physics, but that’s just a hunch.

Now you’ve wasted my time, cause I probably remoted in and checked the drivers and devices installed, and the software logs, and so on.

If you told me “I dumped my drink” I’d have walked over with a new keyboard, and case closed. You would have looked human. Now you look dumb.

9. Think, or be prepared for ridicule.
I know I.T. isn’t your job, or your interest, sometimes. Frankly, it shouldn’t have to be. It should be my job, so that you can do yours. You should never really have to think about it, it should just work. I truly believe that.

But, here’s the thing: Sometimes I need a little help. Sometimes things break, and I’m not going to know it right away, and I need a little understanding on your part… If your email server dies, or you suspect there’s a problem with it, please do not email me to find out if the email system is having a problem.

I know this may seem like yet another obvious things, but more often than not when I’m working on an email-related issue, when I get it up and running again, I get at least one or two emails asking if there’s a problem. If there is, I’m not going to get your email, so please don’t be angry when I don’t respond to an email I didn’t know you sent.

If the power goes out in your house do you get angry when you turn on the light switch to go look at the electrical panel? When your car runs out of gas, do you try to jump in your car and go to the gas station? Do these things sound as absurd to you as they do to me?

My response to your emails is usually going to be “Did you just email me through an email system you thought might not be working?” and I’m going to CC every supervisor you have that I know about, just to cover my own ass, because I know how you people love to bitch about technology and use our perceived lack of response as your scapegoat for not getting your work done. I’ve watched you remotely playing Farmville, don’t make me get you busted for that, cause I will. I’ll keep your dirty little secrets unless your force my hand, cause honestly I don’t care until you make me care.

10. Listen.
My job is to keep your business running efficiently. As such, I will tell you what you need, AND what you should have. There are things you can do without, though I don’t recommend it. I won’t tell you I won’t help, but I will tell you when you’re not listening to me, what the risks are.

You do not hire an I.T. consultant so that you never have I.T. problems again. You have us so that you don’t have to deal with this stuff WHEN it happens. You hire us so that you are AS protected AS possible. All we can do is advise, it’s up to you to listen.

If you choose to go another route, we will support you in that decision, but we will set the expectations, and we WILL say we do not recommend it, what you are risking, and we WILL bill for it when it happens. Emergency rates are steep, and you will pay them because you’re over the barrel. Don’t act like we put you there, you climbed on them yourself.

Here’s your livelyhood, and here’s your best protection. You don’t want it, fine. I’ve done my job.

In conclusion, these things must sound harsh, but this is the reality. You may be able to get away with ignoring a thing or two on here, especially if your tech doesn’t mind smelly shoes or sticking his elbow in your sandwhich, but it’s a low risk investment on your part to do as much as you can to be ready for the service tech’s visit. Make things easy and comfortable, and convenient, and we’re in and out in the best possible time, and you get billed less.

Thanks for reading.