Your Computer is Too Old!


A computer’s life span depends in large part on how it’s physically treated, and what it’s required to do. You must always keep it clean, don’t stab it with ice pics, don’t blow cigarette smoke into it’s intakes, don’t hang fucking fridge magnets from it’s sides, etc. And don’t expect old hardware to do the job of new. 

I don’t care how much you spent on your computer in 1992, it means nothing today. My clients routinely say things like “It’s only five years old! My CAR is older than that!” 
I don’t give a shit how old your car is! I have underwear older than five years old, what does that have to do with computers?? Don’t ask me why AudoCAD is crashing every four minutes only to tell me that your five year old hardware should support it. *I* am the computer guy here. The mere fact that you’re comparing your computer to your car PROOVES that you are not qualified to determine whether or not your it is too old.
I love questions “Why do you think my computer can’t handle this?” I don’t HAVE to think, I KNOW it’s because you took the spec I gave you two years ago, and had your brother’s kid go online and find Big Value versions of the components and built it yourself. The components in my specs have better quality parts. You picked shitty parts, two generations older than the stuff I specced, that would incidentally still be functioning right now, and you have been pushing it to it’s limits every day for the last two years. That’s what I KNOW. But no, that’s not why it’s not working, it’s not working because of fucking solar flares. 
Wanna know what I think? I think you’re an idiot. 
Oh, and since you bought shit components, they’re fried. AND since you bought them on fucking ebay, there’s no warranty. Now you’re paying me to replace them, and in the end after all the god damned support tickets you’ve logged due to substandard equipment, you’ve spent 20% more than you would have, had you just fucking bought what I told you to buy.
I don’t tell you how to fucking draw stairs and elevator shafts, don’t tell me what should be expected from a computer.
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As Soon As Possible


I can’t freakin stand being told that something is required ASAP.

Let’s revisit my job description here. What’s the IT guy supposed to do? He’s (or she’s) supposed to take care of the techological aspects of whatever your job requires. He’s the support guy. You need something from the support department, it’s their job to get it done. They are well aware of what you need, and how important it is.

Most of the time, the tech support staff is BETTER aware of how much you need a particular piece of technology than you are.

And quite frankly, isn’t whenever you get something as soon as it was possible? If I sit on a project for a couple extra days, you still get it as soon as it’s possible, because while I’m sitting on it, surfing facebook, it’s impossible for it to get done, because I’m not doing it! So yeah, you’ll get it as soon as possible. Don’t tell me ASAP like that’s supposed to light some fire under my ass. All it’s going to do is make me want to find reasons that it wasn’t possible to get it done sooner.

And by the way, who the hell thinks it’s a good idea to light fires under asses anyway? That’s just mean. Sure isn’t going to make me want to help you, that’s for sure. You just remember that.