Supporting Police


So the company for which I work supports many different types of clients. Most of them are architects or Engineers, but we also have accountants, mortgage companies, law firms, and my LEAST favorite, police departments.

We’ve all dealt with police before, and usually when they’re writing us tickets or telling us to stop punching babies, or throwing us out of bars, etc… They’re always the last word. They speak, you do. You can tell they were the kids in high school who couldn’t stop arguing with the teacher. Had to get the last word.

Well, they’re still the same person. I’m sure there are exceptions to the rule, so if you know or are a policeman, this may not apply. But if it does, you can feel free to sit there and scowl, and pretend it doesn’t, I really don’t care.

I hate calling the police departments to support their computer problems, because it doesn’t have anything to do with the law, and they are powerless to do anything about it. They hate admitting that they can’t flash a badge and a billy club at the computer and make it do what they want, so right out of the gate, they’re pissy. I can HEAR them pouting because they have to ask for help. Their always almost daring you to call into question their computer savvy.

God forbid you have to ask them to do something like unplug a cable. Like a fourteen year old girl who doesn’t get her way, they suck their teeth, and sigh, and act all pissy. Makes me want to say “Did you need my help? Did you want this computer to work again? Fix that face or I’ll fix it for you.” I alw

And when the god damned computer works again, you get, “Yup, it’s working. Ok. See ya.”

No fucking thanks? You cops wanna know why it’s so difficult to get respect? Talk to a co-worker who isn’t an asshole, he’ll tell you how it’s done.

Your Computer is Too Old!


A computer’s life span depends in large part on how it’s physically treated, and what it’s required to do. You must always keep it clean, don’t stab it with ice pics, don’t blow cigarette smoke into it’s intakes, don’t hang fucking fridge magnets from it’s sides, etc. And don’t expect old hardware to do the job of new. 

I don’t care how much you spent on your computer in 1992, it means nothing today. My clients routinely say things like “It’s only five years old! My CAR is older than that!” 
I don’t give a shit how old your car is! I have underwear older than five years old, what does that have to do with computers?? Don’t ask me why AudoCAD is crashing every four minutes only to tell me that your five year old hardware should support it. *I* am the computer guy here. The mere fact that you’re comparing your computer to your car PROOVES that you are not qualified to determine whether or not your it is too old.
I love questions “Why do you think my computer can’t handle this?” I don’t HAVE to think, I KNOW it’s because you took the spec I gave you two years ago, and had your brother’s kid go online and find Big Value versions of the components and built it yourself. The components in my specs have better quality parts. You picked shitty parts, two generations older than the stuff I specced, that would incidentally still be functioning right now, and you have been pushing it to it’s limits every day for the last two years. That’s what I KNOW. But no, that’s not why it’s not working, it’s not working because of fucking solar flares. 
Wanna know what I think? I think you’re an idiot. 
Oh, and since you bought shit components, they’re fried. AND since you bought them on fucking ebay, there’s no warranty. Now you’re paying me to replace them, and in the end after all the god damned support tickets you’ve logged due to substandard equipment, you’ve spent 20% more than you would have, had you just fucking bought what I told you to buy.
I don’t tell you how to fucking draw stairs and elevator shafts, don’t tell me what should be expected from a computer.